Thursday, June 4, 2015

What Happened to the Blog?

I reverted most of my postings to their 'draft' versions, which means I can see them, but you cannot. Why? Because a comment I made in a posting hurt someone I love. But it's a bit more than that. Let me backtrack for a moment...

Originally, this blog was only going to be for publishing online the term papers I submitted for school; hence the name "Thoughts From a Theology Student". I've always seen it as "investing the master's talents". Because of that, I started publishing more and more, until it's basically become exactly like my old blog! I got rid of my old blog because I didn't want to have it consume my time. But there was another concern...

Many a saint has written the value of keeping quiet. There are even some monks or nuns that take a vow of silence. Perhaps it's because of this passage from the Bible where Jesus warned: "I tell you, on the day of judgment men will render account for every careless word they utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned" (Mat 12:36-37). Because of these things, for quite some time now (maybe over a year), I've wrestled with this blog: are my postings a way of "investing" my Lord's talents, or are they an occasion of pride? Are they idle words? I don't believe they contradict Church teaching, and I've always made sure to post as a way of explaining Church teaching instead of just typing my opinion about things. But still...have my words hurt someone's faith? Or someone's feelings? It is perhaps prideful when I post something that I believe I've written well, only to never have it read or hear back from people that I've sent it to - then I'm upset about it; that's probably pride. I've convinced myself that my words are worth reading - but then, who am I? I'm nobody.

I'll probably do the same to my diet blog, but not as severely, because I use that primarily to store recipes and healthful tidbits, so there's less to block on that one.

I need to take a firm assessment of what I'm doing in my life. Right now I have a massive plank in my eye (Mat 7:3) and I shouldn't be trying to teach anyone about how to be a good Catholic. I've written before how I want to become a better student so that one day I can be a good teacher, but I think I need to step even further back. Therefore, for quite some time I'll be leaving this blog dormant. I'll post term papers from time-to-time, but that's about it. I need to scale back and act like I've just become a Christian. I need to reignite that spark that drove me to seek Him out, especially in His fullness in the Catholic Church. I haven't been very good lately and I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings or share private information; that was never my intent. But this event has allowed me to finally do what I've been tempted to do for over a year now, and that's disappear into the background where I'm most comfortable.

Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening (1 Sam 3:10).